February 16, 2010

Public Health Scare

I read an urgent email tonight from the Santa Clara County Dept. of Public Health about a recent Measles scare. A man apparently contracted Measles while he was in the UK or.... Belgium and then came back to the Bay area before he was infectious. (Way to keep it vague as to not destroy tourism in any one country.)

For the next 8 days he went about his business POSSIBLY infecting anybody who came within two hours of when he entered or left the establishment. The email called out about 4 places he had been.
I started thinking, has he only been to 4 places in EIGHT days???? And then I thought, what if I had to make a list of everywhere I've been in the past 8 days. And what some of those phones calls would sound like.

Nates Preschool - "Hi, I know you've given my child 6 colds this winter and one stomach flu, but I probably gave 18 students Measles. Do you think this will effect Nate's enrollment next year?"

Work - "Yah, I suggest you implement a work from home policy over the next few weeks, I can't tell you why because it may effect my performance review."

Safeway "Hi, I touched all the bananas after my son Jack acted like a monkey and grapped the entire display."

Work Cafe - "Hi, I've eaten a salad at your salad bar for the past eight days in a row. I can't be the only disease on those salad tongs, but I'm sorry. I would pay special attention to the croutons, those are my favorite."

Cheeky Monkey Toys - "Hi, I touched all of your bouncy balls after my son pulled the bottom one out of the basket, and touched all of the Thomas the Tank engines while cleaning up from a serious train wreck."

Nordstrom Outdoor Cafe - "Hi, all I wanted was a $5 ice tea, and now I'm calling you to tell you I touched all your lemon wedges."

Chuck E Cheese - "Hi, I know this is inconvenient but you should probably contact all 3000 kids that have been to your store in the past 8 days. You may want to wash the tokens, and while you're at it, please disinfect every machine, the slide area, bathrooms, Chuck E. himself. Not because I touched any of them, but because you know it hasn't been done in a while."

Super Bowl Party -"Hi, thanks for the evite. I've exposed you to a contagious disease, but before you get upset, remember how much you liked my 7 layer dip."

Hair Salon - This call hurts the worst. My one moment in 8 days for a relaxing shampoo. I hope my next set of hightlights don't pay for this.  

And the store that needed the longest phone call.

Target - "Hi, I've been to your store 16 times in the past 8 days. I've purchased diapers twice, wipes, granola bars, clothes, toys, electronics, books, makeup, toilet paper, some Star Wars valentines, and tape. You may need to shut down the store just to check every aisle, but please don't take too long.....I'll be back on day 9, I forgot deodorant."


Anne said...

Thanks for my morning laugh! Very funny xoxo and I love the verification word I must use cooti!

Julie Johnson said...

That was the best! I'm crying!

Joe said...

You should be writing for a sitcom. This is funnier then most of what you hear on TV.

Sara Ancich said...

you are fricking hyssterical. Is that a bad word? i loved this post.