January 31, 2010

The Curse

Not only does my mom have crazy intuition, but she also wields the freaky ability to put a curse on me. And the funny part is that when I say, "Thanks for the curse mom." She always says, "Oh I didn't put a curse on your for THAT! Which of course always leads me to believe there are many more coming.
The way it works, at least how I've been led to believe is that whatever I did as a child that either frustrated, disgusted, or madened my parents, is going to come back to haunt me through my children's actions.
Of course it's not a perfect science so sometimes I feel like I'm getting a bit of my sister's curses, and she probably gets a few of mine.
This weekend I was blessed with two such curses. I must have been long overdue.
The first being during a grocery store visit. I realized I hadn't been shopping in while, but thought I would just pick up a few things. An hour and a half later, I looked at our cart. It was overflowing with groceries, so much so that I didn't have room for two more limes. I somehow squeezed them in, and was busy making my way to the check out when it happened......."Mommy, I have to go potty!"
You've got to be kidding me????? I can barely push this cart through the store, let alone make my way to the bathrooms located in the polar opposite location of where we were standing.  Of course, I knew exactly where the bathrooms were, because this HAS happened before, but not to the same degree. Luckily carrying Jack around has prepared me for this challenge. I thought about asking Nate to wait until we got home, but knew that wasn't really an option.
"OK, I guess we'll head to the bathrooms."
I managed to push the 50lb cart through the most crowded aisle, past the busy pharmacy line, behind the dairy section into the dark storeroom. (On a side note, the store room creeps me out. It smells like rotten milk, and I just know one day I'm going to see a rat scurry by.) I'll spare you the details of the bathroom, but I know that had to be part of the curse. My mom is always telling me how on every car trip I dragged them into every rundown middle of nowhere disgusting bathroom.. So thank you mom! You can check one off your list.

The second blessing of the weekend, luckily didn't affect me as much as it did Doug.
I walked in the door to hear, "JAAAACK....OH MY GOD. THIS IS REALLY BAD!".
Uh oh. I knew this must be bad if Doug was overreacting with this much enthusiasm. I said, "Everything ok?" Doug's response. "NO, this is the worst case scenario". Hmm I had two options, walk up stairs to see what happened or ask if I could help from a distance?" I knew instinctively it wasn't something I probably wanted to see, so I chose the latter. Doug's response was, "You can either come and dump Jack in the bath, or you can clean the SH**** that is smeared all over Jack's crib." Apparently he took his diaper off while napping. You can picture the rest. There was no way I was choosing the second option. I dumped Jack into the bath. The unfortunate part for Doug, other than the obvious, was this curse was actually aimed at Julie. Let's just say Julie has always been an artist, just with different materials.

I'm not sure how a curse can go so wrong.  It does make me wonder though who is going to get the child who carves their name into the furniture, or denies tapping on the table so much that it drives us to tears. (FYI: Both of which were Julie's actions. If I blog about those you know Julie used her alottment for the month and I was getting the overflow!)


Anne said...

I'm laughing too hard to comment! All I can say is wait till they are teenagers and get some locks!xoxo

Deb said...

Funny!!!! Great story. Sound like you and I had a similar weekend, although mine with furry fourlegged creatures. Ahhhh, carpet cleaners today.

Julie Johnson said...

Gary and I are in tears. We were laughing so hard we couldn't even communicate with one another. I love you.